Humour · Life

10 More Things That Piss Me Off

Hello everyone. Back in 2018 I realised I was turning into a grumpy old woman and to celebrate this fact I wrote the post 15 Things That Piss Me Off.

In the 2 years since that post went live many things have changed. Jeremy kyle is no longer on telly and thanks to covid people chatting in the supermarket aisle is no longer a thing.
However I’m still a grumpy woman a lot of the time, so here are a further 10 things that boil my piss in todays society.

Red background. Written in black 10 more things that piss me off

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Humour · Life

A Very Proper British Citizenship Test

Hello everyone. This post was started way back in January before Corona Virus became the only subject of conversation in the news and on social media sites. Back then Brexit was  a hot topic of conversation.

Among the many Brexit sub topics being discussed on Twitter was that of the citizenship test that  people not born in the UK need to take in order to gain indefinite leave to remain in the UK.

The current test is called Life In The UK Test 2020. Despite its name, the test is very much focused on British history and achievements rather than the practicalities of living in the UK today. It has been criticised for being factually inaccurate at times and overall nothing more than a bad pub quiz.

In order to judge for myself, I took a look at a practice test and this is a sample of the questions asked.

Who wrote The Daffodils?

When were men and women given the right to vote aged 21? and

Who was captain of the 1966 British world cup football team?

These questions are rather obscure, and to be honest I don’t know if I would definitely be able to get the required 18 out if 24 questions right to pass.

It stands to reason therefore that a new British Citizenship test should be introduced. One that reflects the true nature of what it means to be British and live in Britian in the 21st century. And not being one to shirk from a challenge I have spent the last few weeks devising just such a test.

Continue reading “A Very Proper British Citizenship Test”

Humour · Life

Greggs Gave Sausage Rolls To You

Hello everyone. It seems like ages since I last wrote a silly song post, but I’ve got plenty of them in rough draft, so today I’m sharing with you one of the better ones.

The eagle eyed among you will notice this isn’t my first sausage roll themed song. I make no apologies for this. There will never be a time when its wrong to swap the words rock and roll for sausage roll.

Continue reading “Greggs Gave Sausage Rolls To You”

Blog Posts · Humour · Song Parodies

Insomnia – A Parody To The Tune Of A Sound Of Silence

Hello everyone. As you’re probably aware I’m an insomniac. I’ve written about it several times before including tips about what to do when sleep doesn’t come.

This past week I’ve been having some trouble getting to sleep. But instead of lamenting over it I decided to put my time to good use. I’ve not written any parody songs in ages, so I decided to focus on that. Given the time of night I was writing, the subject of the song seemed obvious.

Blue background. Insomnia written in purple

Now there are two versions of this song. Normally I would agree the original is the best, but  I think the Disturbed version adds the passion and strength of feeling in the vocals that the original lyrics and my alternative ones demand.

So ladies and gentlemen I give you……..

Insomnia – To the tune of The Sound Of Silence

3 am is not my friend.
It’s come to torture me again.
I’m feeling tired, but I’m not sleeping.
Close my eyes, but its not happening.
The sleep fairy, has abandoned me today.
She’s gone away.
So I’m left with, insomnia

And now im sitting in the gloom.
Theres only me here in the room.
Damn its getting a bit boring.
Cus all the other weirdos are snoring.
When you feel like your the last person left awake.
For heavens sake.
Oh its a bitch. Insomnia.

And then the clock say half past three.
I start to feel, a bit hungry.
Getting up to make a hot drink.
Have a biscuit as well I think.
People tell me mid night snacking makes me fat.
Don’t care bout that.
Please go away. Insomnia

Fools, they say, sleepings easy.
Close your eyes and it will be.
Shut my eyes and I try my best.
All I really can do is rest.
All I hear, the silence of the night.
I’m waiting for the light. Insomnia

Keep of mobile phones they say.
Their blue light keeps sleep at bay.
But when the only one awake is me,
and I really need some company.
Then the ones who, their words and their presence will make me feel less alone.
Are there in my phone.
To help me through the night. Insomnia

I think this is one of my best parodies yet. I already have the tune and theme for my next parody lined up curtesy of Mr A, but if you have a favourite song you would like rewritten please let me know.

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Thank you, Mrs A Xx

Blog Posts · Humour

25 Things I’ve Never Done (that most adults have)

Hello everyone. The other week I was sat having a coffee with my friend Rie and we got onto the subject of holidays. Rie mentioned something she loves to do on camping holidays and was surprised when I said I had never tried it……

“but everyone has done that haven’t they?”

It got me thinking, there are lots of things in life that I have never done, so as a good blogger I decided to write a post about of it.

Continue reading “25 Things I’ve Never Done (that most adults have)”

Blog Posts · Humour · Song Parodies

Voting For The Tories – A Parody (to the tune of Welcome to the jungle)

Hello dear readers. I haven’t written a parody song in a while so turned to Twitter the other day to ask people to suggest tunes or themes to inspire me. My mate @FreakinMerv suggested Welcome To The Jungle by Guns and Roses.

I’m not usually one to shout about politics but when I though about the song there was only one direction I could go. So ladies and gentlemen I give you my first attempt at political satire. Enjoy.

Continue reading “Voting For The Tories – A Parody (to the tune of Welcome to the jungle)”

Blog Posts · Humour · Song Parodies · Uncategorized

Paradise By The Laptop Light -an ode to Twitter dating.

Hello everyone. I love Twitter, this is not a big secret. I love meeting and getting to know people from all over the world. Now obviously as a very happily married lady, my interest in other people only extends as far as friendship, but Twitter is somewhere you can meet people for romance too.

I have several Twitter friends who have met their significant others on the site, two of whom are now married to them.

However Twitter dating isn’t always a successful endeavour, and when it goes wrong it can do so spectacularly.

The following parody is a lighthearted tale of a Twitter dating disaster.

Continue reading “Paradise By The Laptop Light -an ode to Twitter dating.”

Blog Posts · Humour · Song Parodies · Uncategorized

Oh Martyn – An Ode To Twitter Friends (in the style of Westlifes Mandy) 

Hello everyone, I have read several tweets, Facebook statuses and blog posts recently that have questioned the realness of online friends. This is a subject that interests me, to the point where I used it as a topic of a psychology study once upon a time. My own personal opinion is yes, online friends can definitely be as real as those we have in real life. I have some fabulous internet friends who I chat to, laugh with (laugh at) sympathise, empathise and generally act silly with.

Just yesterday I was conversing with some of those friends about my lack of blog posts recently, more so the parody song posts which everyone seems to enjoy. Further more I was set the challenge to write a parody post about one of them, the (almost) award-winning blogger Martyn Kitney.

So here it is, written about Martyn, but dedicated to all my amazing internet friends.

Martyn

 

I remember Twitter when.
Timeline was so bland but then,
came along a man.
A voice on my Twitter.
Tweeting in the night.
The thread goes into.
Morning and another tweet.
His gif selections hard to beat.
A friendly how are you.
His insults show he cares.
I never realized, how crazy he’s made me.

Oh Martyn well,
You blog about life, health and  schooling.
And the odd give away.

Oh, Martyn, please
Retweet me and heart all my replies.
Your my twitter best friend.
Oh, Martyn!

Now I never have a day,
When my grey thoughts aren’t chased away.
Caught up in a world of geeks and bloggers.
Your always watching me.
My own little stalker.

Oh Martyn well,
You blog about life, health and  schooling
and the odd give away.
Oh, Martyn, please
Retweet me and heart all my replies,
Your my twitter best friend
Oh, Martyn!

Yesterday my friend
I was quite lonely.
Now I know your there.
I’m never alone.

Oh Martyn,
You blog about life, health and  schooling
and the odd give away.
Oh, Martyn,
Retweet me and heart all my replies,
Your my twitter best friend.

Oh, Martyn, well
You blog about life, health and  schooling
and the odd give away.
Oh, Martyn, please
retweet me and heart all my replies.

Internet friends!!!!

Oh Martyn wont you listen to what I got to say.
oh Martyn, go on Twitter at least once a day.
Oh Martyn wont you listen to what I gotta say.
Your my twitter best friend,
Oh Martyn.

I hope you liked this one, I loved writing it.

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*Possibly not true

Blog Posts · Humour · Song Parodies · Uncategorized

So What – I’m Not Old (to the tune of Pinks ‘So What’) 

Hello everyone. Back in March my friend and fellow steampunk had a birthday. Notable only in the fact that it is the last one before a big one. Around the same time she decided to get her hair cut. Not a massive change, just a rather cute fringe.

Neither if these events seem overly significant, but my friends teenage daughter put the two together and decided that her mum was in the early stages of a mid-life crisis.

I have written this parody based on  my friends favourite song as a response to the terrible mid-life crisis accusation (this is a typically tongue in cheek response, she is a lovely girl really).

Continue reading “So What – I’m Not Old (to the tune of Pinks ‘So What’) “

Blog Posts · Humour · Song Parodies · Uncategorized

Its Mine! (kids won’t share) A Parody Song To The Tune Of Take That’s Shine

Hello readers. I have been asking over the last few weeks if anyone had any particular requests for songs they would like me to rewrite and last week I got a reply. Natalie who writes Confessions Of A Crummy Mummy is partial to a little bit of a Take That and asked if I could work my magic on one of their songs.

Now I have to confess to not being a huge Take That fan. Not that I dislike them, but it’s not really the genre of music I prefer. However I have always liked their song Shine, and so I chose that one to have a lyric makeover. I hope Natalie likes the result.

Continue reading “Its Mine! (kids won’t share) A Parody Song To The Tune Of Take That’s Shine”